Sunday, March 28, 2010

Pepper Pain, Grandpa Bob's Brain, and Bella's swain

Yesterday, March 27th, was a busy day for birthdays. Officially, it was my brother Andy’s birthday, but there were a multitude of birthday parties. We ended up going to our friend Angela Green’s 30th birthday party, and her husband Rob set up an Amazing Race for all to take part in. It was a fun day, but Amber and I have never seen the show, and we got paired up with Brad and Tiffany Phillips, who have also never seen the show. Needless to say, we came in dead last. We were ok with it though.

The very first part of the game was a little Angela trivia game, and for every question answered correctly, your team could remove one of the possible “foods” that we were required to eat. In the end, our team was left with a can of green bean baby food, canned Vienna sausages, and two habanero peppers. Brad downed the baby food like a champ, the girls attempted the sausages, and I took on the peppers. I popped the first into my mouth and chomped down. As my teeth broke the skin, a sweet taste hit my tongue and I initially thought that it was a joke. I thought, “Rob put normal peppers out, but told us all they were habaneros.” Amber had started to nibble at the other, so I grabbed it from her and ate it since the first one wasn’t bad at all. Suddenly, it hit me. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I didn’t gag or vomit or anything like that… I simply hurt… badly. Now, I like spicy things and thought I could handle this pepper. After all, I like the sriracha chili sauce, I like jalapeƱos on my subway sandwich, and I always go for the hot salsa. This pepper was different. For those of you that have had a habanero, you may know what I’m talking about.

After wolfing down the sketchy foods, we set out on our tasks. Many of these tasks required running, which I am fine with. However, when there are some habaneros stewing in your stomach, any activity is less enjoyable. In fact, if you are ever angry with your stomach and feel like punishing it, go ahead and have an iced coffee from Starbucks and top it off with a couple peppers that are around 100 times hotter than a jalapeno. That’ll show it who is boss. I don’t suggest actually doing this though, because you only punish yourself.

On a more serious note, we have a prayer request. We found out recently that Amber’s grandpa Bob has cancer in his brain. This is a man that has already beat lung cancer, partly because he quit smoking cold turkey after smoking the majority of his life. After having half of a lung removed, we thought we had this thing licked; but it seems it has spread a bit. Frankly, I’m a bit surprised that cancer has the guts to actually mess with a guy like Bob McCarty. Bob is known for not taking any guff from anyone and is the type of guy that will pay thousands of dollars in lawyer fees just to get out of paying a 200-dollar fine from the city for chopping up a tree in front of his house. He told the city that if they want him to keep the tree, then they have to come clean the leaves off his yard.

So please add our grandpa Bob to your list of things to pray for. He is going through radiation and is still in good spirits, but cancer is always a scary fight.

To end this blog on a lighter note, let’s discuss the Twilight movies. In a word: terrible. Bad acting coupled with a plot encompassing a teenage girl in love with a vampire and a werewolf is a recipe for rubbish. I don’t understand the hype. I can kind of understand the teenage girl fetish for a buff Jacob and a pale Edward, but do these movies deserve all the buzz? I guess I’m just not into the whole staring, heavy breathing, over-emotional portrayal of forbidden love between teens. Actually, to be fair, Edward is something like 104 years old, so this movie series is promoting some serious cradle robbing. And by the way, where do Jacob’s sweet jean shorts go when he transforms into a wolf? Shouldn’t he be naked when he becomes human again? Now that would really drive the teen girls wild…

*Note: I am starting my own club. The required attire is cutoff jean shorts, tennis shoes, and no shirt. Club activities involve cliff diving, running in the woods, fighting, and throwing temper tantrums. Now accepting applications.

I leave you with these...






Saturday, March 13, 2010

The KEY to success for a band is the band name... (a satire)

Your band name defines you. Without a good band name, your band will never get out of the local scene. It doesn’t matter how good your band is. Yes, the key to success is to have the right moniker. Without it, you may as well hang up your instruments, cut your hair, and find a normal job. So, how do I get a good band name, you ask? Read on.

There are three keys to consider when choosing a name for your band. The first is to have a number somewhere in the name. This can be random or meaningful, and the number can be spelled out or in numerical form. Examples:

U2, B52s, UB-40, Blink 182, Matchbox 20 (originally Matchbox Twenty, but changed it later), Five for Fighting, Jackson 5, 7 Mary 3, Three Dog Night, Zero 7 (utilizes both), 98 Degrees, Maroon 5, Sum 41, 10,000 Maniacs, Four Tops, M83, All 4 One...

The list goes on and on. The second thing to consider is putting a color in your band name. Examples:

Maroon 5, Pink Floyd, Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Eyed Peas, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Silverchair, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, The Black Crows, Cream (does this count?), Green Jelly, James Brown (this is a joke), Pink, Yellowcard, Great White, White Snake, White Lion, White Zombie, The White Stripes...

This list goes on as well. If neither of these ideas jump out at you, then there is still one more to consider. Try putting two random words together (this often works with the colors too). Examples:

Radiohead, Motorhead, Coldplay, The Talking Heads, The Flaming Lips, Maroon 5, Silverchair, Wolfmother, Goldfrapp, Lifehouse, Nickelback...

I’m sure you can think of more too. Again, I can’t stress enough the importance of these three keys when starting a band. If you want to be the biggest and best band in the world, incorporate all three keys into the band name… just like Maroon 5…